Things I need to-to.

I am really in love with making to-do lists. I make lists for cleaning my house, for weight loss, for daily routine for my kiddlets. Funny thing is I never accomplish anything. I have an obsession with trying to control organize my life, well OK, everything. I am pondering the obsessive part of my personality lately. I used to be obsessed with keeping things neat and tidy, and relatively clean. I would stay up for hours to make sure the house was in order before I could would go to sleep. I would make a to-do and relish in the magnificence of checking things off of the list. Nothing beats the high of accomplishing things one-by-one. You get to take a black Sharpie and physically cross off your to-dos. Glorious!  I have been making lists since I was in junior high. I would put skin care routines on a list and hang it on the bathroom mirror. Then what I needed to finish a homework project. Planning my wedding was pure bliss for me. Lists, to-dos, deadlines, it was heaven on a stick. Before my sons were born I had lists and to-dos for clothing, baby needs, birth plans, and everything in between.

What happened to that part of me? I still have the overwhelming urge to make to-do lists. I still make them weekly. Does anything ever get done on them? No. I just stare at the lists and begin to feel the anxiety building.  It starts with tingling in my arms and then moves to my chest.  I figure for my health I need to nip the anxiety in the bud, and throw the list away. If I can’t see it, it does not exist. But, unfortunately the to-dos don’t go away with the list…and neither does the anxiety. The unfolded clean clothes still interrupt my sleep. The noisy, running toilets give me nightmares. My to-dos give me the heebie-jeebies.

Maybe if I put my to-dos in cyberspace it will make me somewhat accountable for getting them done. Doing the to-dos. It’s worth a shot, huh? Just the thought of making these lists excites me. I will have something to-do at work this afternoon!